In my practice, people come because they are seeking help with issues and problems or they want some assistance in reaching their potential and improving their lives. I’m a dedicated advocate for self-help and for reaching out and getting support when it is needed. I wouldn’t be where I am today in terms of my own healing if it weren’t for these actions.
Now I’m not saying that I’m a self-help junkie. Nix that – I totally am! For self-help junkies, er…self-improvement advocates, there’s a real danger of getting into the find-the-problem-and-fix-it mentality.
What else needs improving? What can I work on next? What else is wrong that needs fixing? It’s like some Eye of Sauron* constantly scanning for what’s wrong inside! Can you relate to this?
We learn this from an early age. Rather than focus on all that is flowing, right and working, we’re taught in school to look for the mistakes, to see what’s been circled in red and to keep trying to fix it. Have you ever received a performance evaluation, scanned through it and searched for the negatives instead of reveling in the positives? How many times have you minimized or disregarded a compliment, but when delivered a critique or negative comment of some kind, mulled it over and taken it as some kind of truth about who you are or what you need to change?
While there may be value in having awareness of what seems to not be working in your life, there is a huge danger of falling into the mindset that you’re broken and need fixing. Or that the pile of things to improve or change is so huge that it will somehow take endless work to clear it all out. It can be exhausting and overwhelming to experience life this way.
So, how do you change this? What if you could simply shift perspective, turn the old mindset on its head and recognize that you are actually okay exactly as you are. There isn’t a thing wrong with you. There never was and never will be anything even remotely wrong with you.
Sure, you may have some behavior that you don’t like, you may have some pain that doesn’t seem to go away, or maybe you judge yourself as being ‘not perfect’. Maybe you’ve done things in the past for which you cannot forgive yourself. None of that makes you broken, wrong, or not okay. It may simply mean that you have made some choices and/or gone through some experiences that have created a distorted view of your being. Who you really are is still perfectly fine regardless of the choices you’ve made and experiences you’ve had. Giving yourself permission to separate those things will open up a world of peace that you may not even know existed for you.
What IS working in your life? Maybe much much more is actually working than you realize. Gratitude and spending time focused on what actually is working and what makes you feel happy and connected to yourself and others…what if that’s the key to unlocking the perception that you are somehow broken or not okay?
Consider this possibility: you are perfectly fine exactly as you are. There is nothing to fix.
I’m including an audio to address this if you find this concept challenging to digest. Enjoy and see if you can begin to shift your perspective to being just fine.
*for those non-Lord of the Rings fans, it’s a constantly scanning evil gaze!