“You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
– Jim Rohn, motivational speaker
One of the topics in the mentoring group that my partner and I have been running is relationships and their influence in our lives. About six years ago, my partner and I, after watching the movies What the Bleep Do We Know and The Secret, decided to take stock of our relationships. We began to notice how we felt after spending time with people. Did we feel cheerful? Inspired? Content? Drained? Frustrated? Bummed out?
Based on these observations over time, we started to make some decisions about how and with whom we wanted to spend our time. Our social life became much more intentional, and as a result, everything changed. In a really cool way. We thought it would only have an impact on our chosen social encounters, since that was where our focus had been. A kind of magical thing slowly happened, however, in our other relationships.
Both of us ended up moving into work environments where we were surrounded by unusually wonderful people. By unusual, I mean people with whom we could laugh, play, work well and want to socialize with outside of work. I even ended up around people who hug (which is awesome for me!). We’d both worked in many different environments and knew that this was absolutely NOT the norm. We’ve often said that we feel that we’ve won the co-worker lottery!
So how did this happen? I believe that the answer is in the intention behind choosing what we wanted to create combined with ongoing observations about how we felt around certain people and then making conscious decisions based on those observations.
Sounds simple, right? Okay, so maybe shifting your relationships sounds like it could be a lot of work or too emotionally challenging. I’m here to tell you that it’s much easier than you’d imagine. In fact, I’m going to give you a couple of tools to get started right now.
1. Relationship assessment exercise
Write your name in the center of a blank piece of paper. Around that hub of you, start writing the names of all of the people in your life, placing them intuitively on the sheet where they feel in relation to you at this time (i.e. closest people somewhere near your name and acquaintances at the far corners).
Once you’ve done this, take a look at each person’s name you’ve written. Without giving it much thought (just go with your gut), place a plus sign above the people with whom you feel good, positive, encouraged and happy. Place a negative sign above those names of people with whom you feel tired, drained, frustrated, annoyed…you know the ones. Be honest about this and know that this is simply a reflection of what’s currently happening in your relationships.
Next, circle the names of people with whom you’d like to spend more time, and if they aren’t close to your name in the center, draw an arrow towards your name. For those people who are too close and negative or draining, go ahead and draw an arrow away from your name, sending them off to some other place that may be happier for them (and you!).
Just doing this little exercise will give you some insight and awareness about your relationships. It doesn’t mean that you need to immediately cut a negative person out of your life (although in some very toxic cases, that may indeed be what’s called for), but you can perhaps begin to spend less time with those people.
On the flip side, spending more time with the people who fuel your spirit and with whom you feel wonderful, will immediately improve your life and mood, which in turn will attract even more positive people. You’ll begin to easily spiral into more and more joyful and fulfilling relationships.
2. Relationship clearing audio
Sometimes you may find yourself “stuck” in a relationship with one of those negatively-charged people, whether it’s in your family or work place. While these situations can be challenging, there are tools to help you cope and to shift the energies of the relationship. EFT is one of those tools, and if you haven’t yet played with this, I encourage you to try it out.
Another tool is an easy kind of self-hypnosis called ZPoint. As a gift to my blog readers, I’m including a link to a downloadable mp3 to help you clear the emotional clutter that may exist between you and another person. Clearing relationships this way can begin to allow more acceptance and less struggle between you.
To access the Relationship Clearing recordings, please go here.
I hope you enjoy these exercises and that your relationships improve in every area of your life!
To learn how to do the basics of EFT on your own, please go to the EFT Universe website and download the free manual.